World Turned Upside Down
Jan. 8th, 2012 10:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
anteros_lmcTitle: World Turned Upside Down
Author: Anteros
Characters: Horatio Hornblower / Archie Kennedy,
Rating: PG
Words: 3047
Notes: Blockade fic! Set a fortnight after Kiss of Life, after Kennedy and Hornblower have transferred to the Indefatigable but before Simpson returns. Angst and fluff.
~I~
HMS Indefatigable, Brest Roads, 1793*
"Trust my bloody luck!" Kennedy spat.
He was sitting in the maintop of the Indefatigable beside Hornblower, an angular black heap swathed in a dripping boat cloak. Archie pulled his own sodden great coat tighter around his knees. The thin sharp wind that blew perpetually from the north west penetrated every seam and crease, cutting right to the bone.
"Finally I get posted to a frigate and then what happens? I get stuck on bloody blockade duty."
Hornblower sniffed wetly but made no reply.
"I mean look at us." Kennedy continued. "Look at this ship." He swept his eye glass over the deck below. "A ship like the Indy with a captain like Pellew, we could be the finest frigate in the fleet. In all of Christendom I shouldn’t wonder. But no, I get stuck blockading the arse end of bloody nowhere."
“Brest Roads is hardly nowhere." Hornblower pointed out reasonably. "It’s of great strategic importance. Everyone knows that. The French fleet is here, and that’s why we’re here."
Kennedy ignored his companion. “Of course I blame the Commander in Chief. Admiral bloody Bridport. He’s got it in us, I'm certain of it."
"Oh don’t be so ridiculous Archie." Hornblower sighed.
"Well how do you account for the fact that other ships get to go off cruising, chacing prizes, and having a go at the frogs, while we’re stuck here idling and counting mast? Look," Kennedy passed his glass to his shipmate, "those tubs haven’t moved so much as a cable length in six weeks. Half of them haven’t even got their masts stepped, and I’ll wager there are crew for less than a dozen of them. And even if they could put to sea, which they can’t with this infernal nor’westerly, they’d run straight into our fleet. That's if half of them didn't run aground in the Iroise first. I swear Horatio, Bridport’s got it in for us. The miserable old bastard."
"Archie!" Kennedy's tirade roused Hornblower from his damp torpor. "That's blatant insubordination! What would Lieutenant Bracegirdle, or even Captain Pellew say if they heard you talking like that? Need I remind you that Admiral Lord Bridport is our Commander in Chief and I am certain he is..."
"Captain Pellew would bloody well agree! Trust my damnable luck..."
"It’s not just your luck," Hornblower snapped irritably. "If it hasn’t escaped your attention Mr Kennedy we are all responsible for the duty of this blockade and I am quite sure that Captain Pellew fully appreciates the strategic importance of our station."
"Ah now there you are most definitely wrong Horatio."
"Where? What?" Hornblower's confusion only served to increase his annoyance.
"You are considerably luckier than my poor unfortunate self." Kennedy nodded solemnly and a large raindrop slid off the end of his nose.
"And how, pray tell, might that be?"
"Obviously, Mr Hornblower, you are luckier than me because you have the pleasure of my company on this tedious watch, while all I have for comfort are your bony elbows." Kennedy jabbed at an angular lump of boat cloak that may or may not have concealed a bony elbow.
"The pleasure of your company?” Hornblower snorted. “Honestly Archie, I swear you would try the patience of a saint."
"Oh and you think you’re a saint do you Horatio?" There was a dangerous glint in Kennedy's eye. "You weren’t so saintly when you kissed me right in front of the captain the other week."
Hornblower leaned his head back against the mast and sighed wearily.
"How many times do I have to tell you Archie, I was not kissing you, I was trying to revive you. You were all but dead drowned." Hornblower's voice was low and taut.
"Do you want to do it again?"
"What? Haul you on board like a half drowned rat? I should think not!"
"No, kiss me." Kennedy's tone was light but there was no mistaking the note of challenge.
"Archie!"
"It’s all right, nobody will see us up here. All the hands are below for dinner." Kennedy shifted position, pressing closer to his friend.
"Are you trying to get us both hung?" Hornblower hissed.
"You’re a gambling man Horatio, what’s the odds of anyone seeing us?"
"You may not care about your good name or indeed your neck Mr Kennedy, but I lay great store by mine."
"My neck, I must admit, I am fond of,” Kennedy lifted his chin and fingered his throat gingerly, “I have no desire to wear a hemp cravat, but what ever good names I have, I would gladly be rid of!"
Hornblower scowled in response, refusing to rise to the bait. The two midshipmen sat in silence for some time as the rain continued to fall. Despite their sopping cloaks and the water pooling around them, Horatio was uncomfortably aware of his shipmate’s body leaning heavily against his side, however he was thankful that Archie finally appeared to have lost interest in badgering him.
Hornblower's idle thoughts had turned inevitably to dinner when his companion spoke again.
"Admit it, you liked it."
"Liked what?"
"Kissing me."
"I sincerely assure you I most certainly did not!" Affronted though he was, Hornblower was even more annoyed by Kennedy's infuriating persistence.
"Sincerely, you say?" Kennedy produced an uncanny imitation of Hornblower's emphatic tone.
Horatio had had enough. "Are you questioning my word Mr Kennedy?"
"Far be it for me to question a gentleman's word Mr Hornblower but 'the lady doth protest too much, methinks.'"
The words were out of Archie’s mouth before he could stop himself. He knew he had gone to far but he was exasperated and frustrated enough not to care. At that moment all he cared about was shaking Hornblower out of his prim self-denial. And it appeared he had succeeded.
Hornblower scrambled to his feet and glared down at Archie, one hand gripping the hilt of his midshipman’s dirk, his knuckles livid white against his sopping black boat cloak. For one heart stopping moment Archie wondered if Horatio would run him through on the spot, but he simply cleared his throat, turned his back and walked stiffly to the far side of the top.
The remainder of the watch passed in a heavy silence that not even the sharp westerly wind could penetrate. By the time the bell sounded the end of the watch Archie was cursing his foolishness and wishing that Hornblower had indeed despatched him where he sat. He deserved nothing less.
~II~
Kennedy and Hornblower’s obvious disagreement only added to the already bad tempered atmosphere of the gunroom. Months of blockade duty had worn down the entire crew and, despite the best efforts of the captain to maintain morale, tempers were fraying among officers and men alike. The high-spirited young gentlemen of the larboard berth bore the monotony and inactivity particularly badly and mundane quarrels soon degenerated into vindictive arguments that festered for days. None of their messmates enquired as to the cause of Kennedy and Hornblower’s disaffection, none of them greatly cared, absorbed as they were in their own petty bickering.
Kennedy made his annoyance plain by sulking through the dog watches while Hornblower responded with aloof disdain. However Archie’s anger, kindled so quickly, had burned out by the end of the first watch leaving a bitter knot of shame and remorse to settle in his stomach like cold ashes. He lay miserably in his hammock, desperately regretting the childish impetuosity that had led him to cast such unnatural aspersions on his friend’s honour. His behaviour would have shamed a common dockside whore. Was it any wonder that Horatio looked on him with barely concealed contempt? He had insulted and offended his only friend and he only had himself to blame.
Two days passed and Hornblower continued to pointedly avoid him. Reckoning that he had no pride left to swallow Archie cautiously attempted to affect a reconciliation but Horatio remained implacable, spurning his approaches with cold disinterest. By the end of the week Archie was sick with remorse and regret, and he knew he had nothing left to loose.
~III~
“Mr Hornblower!” Kennedy’s light clear tone cut through the hubbub of the gunroom.
“Orders from Lieutenant Bracegirdle, report to the for’ard sail locker. Concorde split her fore topsail in the last squall and Jason needs a new spanker. Captain wants to know whether we can furnish them with replacements, report to the first lieutenant immediately if you please.” Archie held out a ledger and smiled brightly. Horatio took the book, nodded curtly, and departed without a word.
Hornblower had barely started sorting through the neat piles of canvas when he heard the door of the sail locker opening behind him.
“Lieutenant Bracegirdle...” He turned round with a smart salute expecting to find the large form of the first lieutenant. Instead he found himself face to face with Archie who was standing quietly with his back to the door. Unable to conceal his surprise Horatio was momentarily at a loss. “Ah. Mr Kennedy. I was expecting Lieutenant Bracegirdle...”
Archie bit his lip nervously. “Can we speak Horatio?”
Struggling to regain his composure Hornblower retreated behind his habitual façade. “Mr Kennedy now is hardly the time for idle chatter, I have duties to attend to. As you well know, I am to report to the first lieutenant forthwith.”
Archie looked down at his feet, and shuffled uncomfortably. “Bracegirdle’s not expecting that report until the end of the watch.”
“I thought you said my orders were to report to Lieutenant Bracegirdle immediately?” Horatio snapped defensively. He had the uncomfortable feeling that Archie had him on the back foot.
Archie took a deep breath and glanced up sheepishly at his erstwhile friend. “Actually they were my orders and I am to report to the first lieutenant by the end of the watch.”
“Mr Kennedy,” Horatio drew himself up to his full height and glared at Archie, “I am appalled! I would never have thought you would stoop so low as to pass off your duties to a fellow officer!”
“Oh don’t be ridiculous Horatio!” Archie’s exasperation matched Horatio’s indignation. He stepped forward as if to seize Horatio by the shoulder and shake some sense into him, before thinking better of it. He dropped his hands in a motion of desperation and despair.
“I just want to talk to you and when this opportunity arose….all right I admit I may have employed a little subterfuge…Please just hear me out though, I just want to apologise. I’m sorry, the fault is entirely mine. I shouldn’t have provoked you, I confess I took things too far. I should learn to hold my tongue.” Archie smiled mirthlessly and shook his head. There was such absolute resignation in his expression that Horatio felt his stomach lurch. “You’re right to despise me Horatio. My father always said I’d come to a bad end if I let the devil run away with my tongue.”
Horatio was furious. Furious that Archie had first questioned his word and then had the temerity to deceive him. But most of all he was furious that Archie was right. He did want to kiss him again, more than anything else in this world or the next. Ever since their first fleeting kiss on that very spot Horatio had been tormented by the memory of Archie’s lips, soft and hesitant against his own. From that moment Horatio Hornblower’s world had turned upside down. Everything that he had believed in; the cornerstones of loyalty, duty, decency and honour, had been shaken to their foundations. The law of the land, the Articles of War, the very tenets of the scriptures that had been drummed into him as a boy, all told him it was a sin, but he didn’t care. He wanted this boy, and yet he had not the courage to admit it, not to himself and far less to Archie. He was nothing more than a coward and a fool. Their estrangement had wounded Horatio deeply and despite his own stiff-necked pride he had missed his companion fiercely. He hated himself for rejecting Archie’s honest attempts at reconciliation and despised himself for every time he had turned his back and walked away. But no matter how he cursed his misplaced pride and craven deceit, no matter how fearful and angry he was, Horatio could not bear to see that look of utter desolation clouding the clear depths of Archie’s eyes a moment longer. He took a deep breath, swallowed his fear and pride and held out his hand in what he hoped was a gesture of companionable friendship.
“Very well Mr Kennedy,” Horatio smiled weakly, “Apology accepted. We’ll hear no more about it.”
Archie looked up at Horatio uncertainly but he took his hand and shook it awkwardly. Horatio was so relieved that it took him a moment to realise that Archie had not released his hand. He cleared his throat uneasily. Archie was so close that Horatio fancied he could smell the salt on his skin. His hand was small and rough; it felt cool and reassuring in his own palm, which was sweating uncomfortably.
Archie was staring at their hands intently. He did not lift his gaze as he spoke, but there was a soft determination in his voice that made something flutter in Horatio’s breast.
“My question still stands Horatio.”
“Which question?” Horatio croaked, his voice suddenly unwilling to do his bidding.
“I think you know. Tell me honestly Horatio, tell me now that you want me to go and I will go.”
Horatio’s throat was filled with ashes and the word that he forced from his lips was barely a whisper.
“…go…”
But Archie didn’t go. Still holding Horatio’s hand, he stepped forward, closing the gap between them.
“No Horatio, tell me you want me to go and then I will gladly quit the field.” This time Archie was looking directly at him, holding him with that intense blue gaze.
Horatio felt a wave of panic sweeping over him. His breath seemed to have been plucked from his throat, his heart was hammering in his chest, and his head swimming. Had it not been for Archie’s hand, which he was gripping like a lifeline, he felt sure gravity would have had the better of him.
“But what if…” Horatio began.
“What if?” Archie interrupted, a fierce cold light glinting momentarily in the his eyes “What if? What if that damned fleet finally decides to come out and fight? What if you or I are being sewn into our hammock by the end of first watch? I’m sorry Horatio”, his expression softened again, “it doesn’t do to dwell on what ifs”.
Horatio nodded uncertainly. He could not deceive himself any longer, whether or not it was a derogation of the laws of God and man and the Admiralty he could not deny it for a moment more. He wanted this boy and he would gamble his very honour for one single kiss.
“Yes…” His voice seemed to come from afar, as if through a rising storm.
But that one word was enough. One word was enough to bring Archie’s lips to his own, warm and smooth and hesitant and then Archie’s hand found his cheek and slid round the back of his neck, pulling him down deeper into the kiss. Horatio let himself fall into Archie’s embrace, into his hands, into his lips. And before he was aware of moving, his arm was around Archie’s waist and he was pulling him close, trying to close every inch of space between them and hold him, just hold him right there so that that moment, that kiss, that all he had ever wanted and more, might never end. Then Archie’s lips were pulling away but his hand was still at the back of his neck, stroking gently, sending searing bolts of heat and want streaming down his spine. Dark spots edged with blinding gold were swimming in front of Horatio’s eyes and he found himself gasping for breath.
“Are you all right Horatio?” Archie was gazing up at him, with a look that radiated joy, fear and incredulous hope. “Do you want to sit down? You look a bit...”
“Yes…no…umm…” Horatio felt as though he’d been poleaxed, the blood was draining from his head and his knees buckled beneath him. The world lurched sickeningly, a movement that could not be accounted for by the wind and waves buffeting the ship.
“Come, sit down here.” Horatio felt himself being pushed backwards, the hard edge of one of the sail racks hit the back of his knees and he sat down heavily. “Put your head between your knees.” Horatio did as he was bid, thankful to have a moment to gather his senses and clear his wits. He felt Archie settle on the pile of canvas beside him, his hand started rubbing small circles over his back. It felt good.
Archie was talking, chattering now. “It’s all right Horatio, you just need to remember to breathe. Heaven knows, I don’t want you passing out on me. I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t take advantage… erm… sorry, I didn’t mean that…” He laughed nervously.
He’s afraid, Horatio realised. For all his bravado and his smart mouth, Archie Kennedy is afraid.
Horatio sat up slowly, the swimming spots of light had receded and the awful lurching subsided. He still felt light headed but this time is was as though a great weight had been lifted from him.
Archie smiled hesitantly. “You all right Horatio?”
“I…I don’t know. Yes. Yes I think so.”
Archie’s smile broadened. He looked up and cast his eye around the sail locker. “Well the world doesn’t seem to have ended. Though even I would be forced to admit that was quite a dramatic reaction to a single kiss!”
“Is it always like that?” Horatio asked shyly. He willed himself to hold Archie’s gaze but he could feel his cheeks colouring.
“I’m not sure Horatio. Perhaps if we tried again we might find out?”
Horatio smiled uncertainly and nodded. And this time it was his lips that met Archie’s and his hands that went tangling in Archie’s hair. This time it was Archie Kennedy that felt his world turn upside down.
* Notes
Although she was launched in 1784 the Indefatigable wasn't actually commissioned until 1794 when Captain Sir Edward Pellew became her first commander. Admiral Lord Bridport was Commander in Chief of the Channel Fleet from 1795 - 1800. So my dates are all wonky but it's the only way I could get this to fit in with series canon :}
Author: Anteros
Characters: Horatio Hornblower / Archie Kennedy,
Rating: PG
Words: 3047
Notes: Blockade fic! Set a fortnight after Kiss of Life, after Kennedy and Hornblower have transferred to the Indefatigable but before Simpson returns. Angst and fluff.
~I~
HMS Indefatigable, Brest Roads, 1793*
"Trust my bloody luck!" Kennedy spat.
He was sitting in the maintop of the Indefatigable beside Hornblower, an angular black heap swathed in a dripping boat cloak. Archie pulled his own sodden great coat tighter around his knees. The thin sharp wind that blew perpetually from the north west penetrated every seam and crease, cutting right to the bone.
"Finally I get posted to a frigate and then what happens? I get stuck on bloody blockade duty."
Hornblower sniffed wetly but made no reply.
"I mean look at us." Kennedy continued. "Look at this ship." He swept his eye glass over the deck below. "A ship like the Indy with a captain like Pellew, we could be the finest frigate in the fleet. In all of Christendom I shouldn’t wonder. But no, I get stuck blockading the arse end of bloody nowhere."
“Brest Roads is hardly nowhere." Hornblower pointed out reasonably. "It’s of great strategic importance. Everyone knows that. The French fleet is here, and that’s why we’re here."
Kennedy ignored his companion. “Of course I blame the Commander in Chief. Admiral bloody Bridport. He’s got it in us, I'm certain of it."
"Oh don’t be so ridiculous Archie." Hornblower sighed.
"Well how do you account for the fact that other ships get to go off cruising, chacing prizes, and having a go at the frogs, while we’re stuck here idling and counting mast? Look," Kennedy passed his glass to his shipmate, "those tubs haven’t moved so much as a cable length in six weeks. Half of them haven’t even got their masts stepped, and I’ll wager there are crew for less than a dozen of them. And even if they could put to sea, which they can’t with this infernal nor’westerly, they’d run straight into our fleet. That's if half of them didn't run aground in the Iroise first. I swear Horatio, Bridport’s got it in for us. The miserable old bastard."
"Archie!" Kennedy's tirade roused Hornblower from his damp torpor. "That's blatant insubordination! What would Lieutenant Bracegirdle, or even Captain Pellew say if they heard you talking like that? Need I remind you that Admiral Lord Bridport is our Commander in Chief and I am certain he is..."
"Captain Pellew would bloody well agree! Trust my damnable luck..."
"It’s not just your luck," Hornblower snapped irritably. "If it hasn’t escaped your attention Mr Kennedy we are all responsible for the duty of this blockade and I am quite sure that Captain Pellew fully appreciates the strategic importance of our station."
"Ah now there you are most definitely wrong Horatio."
"Where? What?" Hornblower's confusion only served to increase his annoyance.
"You are considerably luckier than my poor unfortunate self." Kennedy nodded solemnly and a large raindrop slid off the end of his nose.
"And how, pray tell, might that be?"
"Obviously, Mr Hornblower, you are luckier than me because you have the pleasure of my company on this tedious watch, while all I have for comfort are your bony elbows." Kennedy jabbed at an angular lump of boat cloak that may or may not have concealed a bony elbow.
"The pleasure of your company?” Hornblower snorted. “Honestly Archie, I swear you would try the patience of a saint."
"Oh and you think you’re a saint do you Horatio?" There was a dangerous glint in Kennedy's eye. "You weren’t so saintly when you kissed me right in front of the captain the other week."
Hornblower leaned his head back against the mast and sighed wearily.
"How many times do I have to tell you Archie, I was not kissing you, I was trying to revive you. You were all but dead drowned." Hornblower's voice was low and taut.
"Do you want to do it again?"
"What? Haul you on board like a half drowned rat? I should think not!"
"No, kiss me." Kennedy's tone was light but there was no mistaking the note of challenge.
"Archie!"
"It’s all right, nobody will see us up here. All the hands are below for dinner." Kennedy shifted position, pressing closer to his friend.
"Are you trying to get us both hung?" Hornblower hissed.
"You’re a gambling man Horatio, what’s the odds of anyone seeing us?"
"You may not care about your good name or indeed your neck Mr Kennedy, but I lay great store by mine."
"My neck, I must admit, I am fond of,” Kennedy lifted his chin and fingered his throat gingerly, “I have no desire to wear a hemp cravat, but what ever good names I have, I would gladly be rid of!"
Hornblower scowled in response, refusing to rise to the bait. The two midshipmen sat in silence for some time as the rain continued to fall. Despite their sopping cloaks and the water pooling around them, Horatio was uncomfortably aware of his shipmate’s body leaning heavily against his side, however he was thankful that Archie finally appeared to have lost interest in badgering him.
Hornblower's idle thoughts had turned inevitably to dinner when his companion spoke again.
"Admit it, you liked it."
"Liked what?"
"Kissing me."
"I sincerely assure you I most certainly did not!" Affronted though he was, Hornblower was even more annoyed by Kennedy's infuriating persistence.
"Sincerely, you say?" Kennedy produced an uncanny imitation of Hornblower's emphatic tone.
Horatio had had enough. "Are you questioning my word Mr Kennedy?"
"Far be it for me to question a gentleman's word Mr Hornblower but 'the lady doth protest too much, methinks.'"
The words were out of Archie’s mouth before he could stop himself. He knew he had gone to far but he was exasperated and frustrated enough not to care. At that moment all he cared about was shaking Hornblower out of his prim self-denial. And it appeared he had succeeded.
Hornblower scrambled to his feet and glared down at Archie, one hand gripping the hilt of his midshipman’s dirk, his knuckles livid white against his sopping black boat cloak. For one heart stopping moment Archie wondered if Horatio would run him through on the spot, but he simply cleared his throat, turned his back and walked stiffly to the far side of the top.
The remainder of the watch passed in a heavy silence that not even the sharp westerly wind could penetrate. By the time the bell sounded the end of the watch Archie was cursing his foolishness and wishing that Hornblower had indeed despatched him where he sat. He deserved nothing less.
~II~
Kennedy and Hornblower’s obvious disagreement only added to the already bad tempered atmosphere of the gunroom. Months of blockade duty had worn down the entire crew and, despite the best efforts of the captain to maintain morale, tempers were fraying among officers and men alike. The high-spirited young gentlemen of the larboard berth bore the monotony and inactivity particularly badly and mundane quarrels soon degenerated into vindictive arguments that festered for days. None of their messmates enquired as to the cause of Kennedy and Hornblower’s disaffection, none of them greatly cared, absorbed as they were in their own petty bickering.
Kennedy made his annoyance plain by sulking through the dog watches while Hornblower responded with aloof disdain. However Archie’s anger, kindled so quickly, had burned out by the end of the first watch leaving a bitter knot of shame and remorse to settle in his stomach like cold ashes. He lay miserably in his hammock, desperately regretting the childish impetuosity that had led him to cast such unnatural aspersions on his friend’s honour. His behaviour would have shamed a common dockside whore. Was it any wonder that Horatio looked on him with barely concealed contempt? He had insulted and offended his only friend and he only had himself to blame.
Two days passed and Hornblower continued to pointedly avoid him. Reckoning that he had no pride left to swallow Archie cautiously attempted to affect a reconciliation but Horatio remained implacable, spurning his approaches with cold disinterest. By the end of the week Archie was sick with remorse and regret, and he knew he had nothing left to loose.
~III~
“Mr Hornblower!” Kennedy’s light clear tone cut through the hubbub of the gunroom.
“Orders from Lieutenant Bracegirdle, report to the for’ard sail locker. Concorde split her fore topsail in the last squall and Jason needs a new spanker. Captain wants to know whether we can furnish them with replacements, report to the first lieutenant immediately if you please.” Archie held out a ledger and smiled brightly. Horatio took the book, nodded curtly, and departed without a word.
Hornblower had barely started sorting through the neat piles of canvas when he heard the door of the sail locker opening behind him.
“Lieutenant Bracegirdle...” He turned round with a smart salute expecting to find the large form of the first lieutenant. Instead he found himself face to face with Archie who was standing quietly with his back to the door. Unable to conceal his surprise Horatio was momentarily at a loss. “Ah. Mr Kennedy. I was expecting Lieutenant Bracegirdle...”
Archie bit his lip nervously. “Can we speak Horatio?”
Struggling to regain his composure Hornblower retreated behind his habitual façade. “Mr Kennedy now is hardly the time for idle chatter, I have duties to attend to. As you well know, I am to report to the first lieutenant forthwith.”
Archie looked down at his feet, and shuffled uncomfortably. “Bracegirdle’s not expecting that report until the end of the watch.”
“I thought you said my orders were to report to Lieutenant Bracegirdle immediately?” Horatio snapped defensively. He had the uncomfortable feeling that Archie had him on the back foot.
Archie took a deep breath and glanced up sheepishly at his erstwhile friend. “Actually they were my orders and I am to report to the first lieutenant by the end of the watch.”
“Mr Kennedy,” Horatio drew himself up to his full height and glared at Archie, “I am appalled! I would never have thought you would stoop so low as to pass off your duties to a fellow officer!”
“Oh don’t be ridiculous Horatio!” Archie’s exasperation matched Horatio’s indignation. He stepped forward as if to seize Horatio by the shoulder and shake some sense into him, before thinking better of it. He dropped his hands in a motion of desperation and despair.
“I just want to talk to you and when this opportunity arose….all right I admit I may have employed a little subterfuge…Please just hear me out though, I just want to apologise. I’m sorry, the fault is entirely mine. I shouldn’t have provoked you, I confess I took things too far. I should learn to hold my tongue.” Archie smiled mirthlessly and shook his head. There was such absolute resignation in his expression that Horatio felt his stomach lurch. “You’re right to despise me Horatio. My father always said I’d come to a bad end if I let the devil run away with my tongue.”
Horatio was furious. Furious that Archie had first questioned his word and then had the temerity to deceive him. But most of all he was furious that Archie was right. He did want to kiss him again, more than anything else in this world or the next. Ever since their first fleeting kiss on that very spot Horatio had been tormented by the memory of Archie’s lips, soft and hesitant against his own. From that moment Horatio Hornblower’s world had turned upside down. Everything that he had believed in; the cornerstones of loyalty, duty, decency and honour, had been shaken to their foundations. The law of the land, the Articles of War, the very tenets of the scriptures that had been drummed into him as a boy, all told him it was a sin, but he didn’t care. He wanted this boy, and yet he had not the courage to admit it, not to himself and far less to Archie. He was nothing more than a coward and a fool. Their estrangement had wounded Horatio deeply and despite his own stiff-necked pride he had missed his companion fiercely. He hated himself for rejecting Archie’s honest attempts at reconciliation and despised himself for every time he had turned his back and walked away. But no matter how he cursed his misplaced pride and craven deceit, no matter how fearful and angry he was, Horatio could not bear to see that look of utter desolation clouding the clear depths of Archie’s eyes a moment longer. He took a deep breath, swallowed his fear and pride and held out his hand in what he hoped was a gesture of companionable friendship.
“Very well Mr Kennedy,” Horatio smiled weakly, “Apology accepted. We’ll hear no more about it.”
Archie looked up at Horatio uncertainly but he took his hand and shook it awkwardly. Horatio was so relieved that it took him a moment to realise that Archie had not released his hand. He cleared his throat uneasily. Archie was so close that Horatio fancied he could smell the salt on his skin. His hand was small and rough; it felt cool and reassuring in his own palm, which was sweating uncomfortably.
Archie was staring at their hands intently. He did not lift his gaze as he spoke, but there was a soft determination in his voice that made something flutter in Horatio’s breast.
“My question still stands Horatio.”
“Which question?” Horatio croaked, his voice suddenly unwilling to do his bidding.
“I think you know. Tell me honestly Horatio, tell me now that you want me to go and I will go.”
Horatio’s throat was filled with ashes and the word that he forced from his lips was barely a whisper.
“…go…”
But Archie didn’t go. Still holding Horatio’s hand, he stepped forward, closing the gap between them.
“No Horatio, tell me you want me to go and then I will gladly quit the field.” This time Archie was looking directly at him, holding him with that intense blue gaze.
Horatio felt a wave of panic sweeping over him. His breath seemed to have been plucked from his throat, his heart was hammering in his chest, and his head swimming. Had it not been for Archie’s hand, which he was gripping like a lifeline, he felt sure gravity would have had the better of him.
“But what if…” Horatio began.
“What if?” Archie interrupted, a fierce cold light glinting momentarily in the his eyes “What if? What if that damned fleet finally decides to come out and fight? What if you or I are being sewn into our hammock by the end of first watch? I’m sorry Horatio”, his expression softened again, “it doesn’t do to dwell on what ifs”.
Horatio nodded uncertainly. He could not deceive himself any longer, whether or not it was a derogation of the laws of God and man and the Admiralty he could not deny it for a moment more. He wanted this boy and he would gamble his very honour for one single kiss.
“Yes…” His voice seemed to come from afar, as if through a rising storm.
But that one word was enough. One word was enough to bring Archie’s lips to his own, warm and smooth and hesitant and then Archie’s hand found his cheek and slid round the back of his neck, pulling him down deeper into the kiss. Horatio let himself fall into Archie’s embrace, into his hands, into his lips. And before he was aware of moving, his arm was around Archie’s waist and he was pulling him close, trying to close every inch of space between them and hold him, just hold him right there so that that moment, that kiss, that all he had ever wanted and more, might never end. Then Archie’s lips were pulling away but his hand was still at the back of his neck, stroking gently, sending searing bolts of heat and want streaming down his spine. Dark spots edged with blinding gold were swimming in front of Horatio’s eyes and he found himself gasping for breath.
“Are you all right Horatio?” Archie was gazing up at him, with a look that radiated joy, fear and incredulous hope. “Do you want to sit down? You look a bit...”
“Yes…no…umm…” Horatio felt as though he’d been poleaxed, the blood was draining from his head and his knees buckled beneath him. The world lurched sickeningly, a movement that could not be accounted for by the wind and waves buffeting the ship.
“Come, sit down here.” Horatio felt himself being pushed backwards, the hard edge of one of the sail racks hit the back of his knees and he sat down heavily. “Put your head between your knees.” Horatio did as he was bid, thankful to have a moment to gather his senses and clear his wits. He felt Archie settle on the pile of canvas beside him, his hand started rubbing small circles over his back. It felt good.
Archie was talking, chattering now. “It’s all right Horatio, you just need to remember to breathe. Heaven knows, I don’t want you passing out on me. I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t take advantage… erm… sorry, I didn’t mean that…” He laughed nervously.
He’s afraid, Horatio realised. For all his bravado and his smart mouth, Archie Kennedy is afraid.
Horatio sat up slowly, the swimming spots of light had receded and the awful lurching subsided. He still felt light headed but this time is was as though a great weight had been lifted from him.
Archie smiled hesitantly. “You all right Horatio?”
“I…I don’t know. Yes. Yes I think so.”
Archie’s smile broadened. He looked up and cast his eye around the sail locker. “Well the world doesn’t seem to have ended. Though even I would be forced to admit that was quite a dramatic reaction to a single kiss!”
“Is it always like that?” Horatio asked shyly. He willed himself to hold Archie’s gaze but he could feel his cheeks colouring.
“I’m not sure Horatio. Perhaps if we tried again we might find out?”
Horatio smiled uncertainly and nodded. And this time it was his lips that met Archie’s and his hands that went tangling in Archie’s hair. This time it was Archie Kennedy that felt his world turn upside down.
* Notes
Although she was launched in 1784 the Indefatigable wasn't actually commissioned until 1794 when Captain Sir Edward Pellew became her first commander. Admiral Lord Bridport was Commander in Chief of the Channel Fleet from 1795 - 1800. So my dates are all wonky but it's the only way I could get this to fit in with series canon :}
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Date: 2012-01-08 11:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-08 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-08 11:21 pm (UTC)Completely agree with everything Eglantine says below, who unlike me resisted the urge to go with the cheap gag. *hangs head in shame
and to hide smirkno subject
Date: 2012-01-08 11:27 pm (UTC)who knows what else they got up to that night they drank Portsmouth dry!
Well now we know! They were having a bdsm threesome with Jason!
You can write it.Completely agree with everything Eglantine says below, who unlike me resisted the urge to go with the cheap gag.
Sweetie, where would we be without your cheap gags?! :P
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Date: 2012-01-09 12:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-09 08:56 am (UTC)Aye Mr Bush ;)
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Date: 2012-01-10 01:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-10 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-11 01:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-14 01:06 am (UTC)Perhaps I ought to issue engraved invitations!
Perhaps, special invitations recorded in Mr Bush's bestest bellow ;)
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Date: 2012-01-08 11:11 pm (UTC)I like the way Archie was the strong one. He has to be, and he has to be clever, because Horatio is so clueless.
Love this.
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Date: 2012-01-08 11:24 pm (UTC)I think you're right though, they are both afflicted in different ways, and neither of them quite believes they are worthy of the other. Silly boys!
Glad you enjoyed this, appreciate your comments as always :)
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Date: 2012-01-09 12:23 am (UTC)loved this - loved its realistic setting -squeeing at the care for the Jason and Concorde and the wise undersanidng of Archie
loved the move from high dudgeon to real worry to giving in on HH's part
have almost got Sir Edward and Archie down from their vigil funnily enough - and you have now inspired me
think my laptop is about to be the subject of a cutting out rai......
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Date: 2012-01-09 09:04 am (UTC)loved its realistic setting -squeeing at the care for the Jason and Concorde
I think I wrote that bit way back when we were researching Alex McVicar! There have been bits of this fic hanging around in my drafts folder for ages. Writing blockade fic almost seems to be as interminable as the blockade itself!
have almost got Sir Edward and Archie down from their vigil funnily enough
Huzzah! The poor dears must be frozen
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Date: 2012-01-09 12:35 am (UTC)My dear Anteros
Successful raid there (on my honour I will return it in a moment but I was most anxious to offer you my ocngratulations on your fine story)
Ahem -I make no allusion to the -er details of the later part. i understand that these matters are more often discussed in polite society these days but a good captain always knew what not to see as well as what to watch eagle eyed
mind you= sometimes young Horatio could leave his fine brain somewhere else - why did it not occur to him that the only time I allowed any young gentlemen up there together rather than with me as fellow watcher was those two?
but it is for your insight into Lord - too- good - to - drown B that I admire ma'am = though I appear not to have maintained enough of a facade in front of the very astute Mr Kennedy ..
excellent stuff my dear ma'am.Now I am setting my sights on cutting out the new bottle of tawny Nodbear had for Christmas ..
yours fondly
Ned
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Date: 2012-01-09 09:14 am (UTC)What a very great pleasure to hear from you again! I trust you had an enjoyable festive season?
You are of course quite correct as always, as you said yourself, a good captain knows everything that goes on on his ship, though he may choose what not to see.
Regarding that miserable old animal Bridport, Mr Kennedy is indeed an astute judge of character, particularly where questionable senior officers are concerned. Though I believe Mr Hornblower is more of an innocent in such matters. He has much to learn, and I feel sure Mr Kennedy will prove to be an excellent tutor. He is in good hands. So to speak....
I remain as always your fondest etc, etc.
Madam A
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Date: 2012-01-09 08:37 am (UTC)That really resonated with me - all the internal conflicts and finally ahving to decide based on what his own conscience *is*, not what he's told it should be.
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Date: 2012-01-09 09:20 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed this, appreciate your comments as always m'dear :)
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Date: 2012-01-09 10:59 am (UTC)This is so sweet and honest and real. The fact that it apparently took you so long to write this feels very fitting, as it reflects the boys' hesitation and slow coming to terms with their own feelings and with each other. I like that Horatio's strongest initial reaction is anger. Thank god Archie is so tenacious :-)
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Date: 2012-01-09 11:55 pm (UTC)Hehe! I hope Archie had a fainting couch handy ;) It's all been terribly traumatic this kissing business. First time Horatio smacked Archie, second time Archie was half drowned, third time Horatio almost passes out. Whodda thunk it could be so difficult?!
I like that Horatio's strongest initial reaction is anger.
I think Horatio is very afraid, but once he makes his decision he is resolute. Which is just as well, Archie only has so much patience!
The fact that it apparently took you so long to write this feels very fitting,
I'm completely scattershot when I write, I jot down bits and pieces, set them aside for months and tinker with them occasionally. It never ceases to amaze me when I finish anything!
Glad you enjoyed this, thanks for reading and commenting.
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Date: 2012-01-10 01:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-10 10:19 pm (UTC)Especially Horatio's inner struggle
Horatio is one big inner struggle! Though to be fair, this is their third kiss rather than their first. Not that the previous two were entirely successful! :P
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Date: 2012-01-11 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-14 01:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-12 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-14 11:24 pm (UTC)